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january 31, 2024

ALARMA: TERRIBLY WRITTEN INCOHERENT PERSONAL RANT INCOMING

Writer's block. It exists. And it feels like I'm constantly stuck in it.
I was born with something awesome called assburgers. If you were paying attention and taking notes, you should already know this. One of the negatives of it is decision making and idea making. I cannot make decisions for myself. If you ask me to pick dinner, I will scroll until I reach the bottom of Yelp (this has happened multiple times). Spotify annoys me because it has so many playlists, but it doesn't have one playlist that combines all the daily mixes into one, like YouTube Music has.
This lack of ability to make decisions really affects me in life. My parents and friends are the ones that make all the choices for me. This cannot be good and will definitely lead to being manipulated sometime in the future.
Now, creativity. I feel like I actually do a kinda good job with it, I'm just negative most of the time and think I suck. The problem is more starting, or being angry when I cannot do exactly what I want (due to lack of skill or time). A lot of the creativity I have has probably came from being on the spectrum. Instead of having normal interests like Fortnite or whatever Warrior Cats is, I watch a lot of logos and branding montages, as well as old television clips of anything but the shows themselves. I am also "mutuals" with a lot of artists, so I can leech off their ideas. I have so many ideas, but they all just end up piling up in my Google Keep, and I hate it!
I have this little character that I doodle, but that's almost entirely what I draw. It's not that I don't want to draw anything else, my brain just gives up if I try. Because of that, I've progressed alot at drawing this character but not at anything else.
Next, I start too many projects and don't finish them. Once it's been 2 days, my interest will wear off and I will move onto something else. There is a really good tumblr post about this that I am going to link instead:

https://changyang-cloud.tumblr.com/post/686604666863255552

I think what I need to try and do is lock myself out of the "out there" for a little bit and focus on the projects that are currently important. School and stuff. Working on this site is fun, but sometimes I need to do other, more important things, especially now that my free time is limited because of work.


corpyrig ht GameStop 1972-2048 IM ALWAYS RIGHT AND RESERVED